Recently I’ve been told that I am nasty and its not the first time I am told that I am not a nice person. It got me thinking. (I need alcohol to become spiritual and I am hopeful that I will not meet my maker sober).
Imagine meeting God and he wants a chat ( no coffee kind of meeting ) with you , I am sure you need a drink first.
If I am honest, I think I am pretentious nasty idiot. Not because of lack of education or poor emotional intelligence. Yet, there is hope for me. By nature, I think I am a kind and nice person. I have to lie a bit.
To my defence :
I was about 13 years old and I was taken along to a hunting party. Very excited to make my first kill, very poor game. I was not allowed to have a rifle myself, unless an adult was there. An animal gets shot ( I am not saying what it was ) and because they had no dogs – I get send over to have a look.
It took me less than 10 min to locate the animal, it had been hit more or less in the bum. When you go hunting, there is a rule that you kill immediately the game, by a blow to the head or something similar.
The animal was tired or shocked , it was basically laying down against a tree. It was hyperventilating. I had a tool made to kill and the animal was staring at me but did not run, I don’t think it had the power.
My instinct was to kill the animal and claim it. I would have done so, if it wasn’t for the eyes. People are saying that animals have little feelings or not at all, but I think they might do.
I have yet to see a more expressive or ghastly gaze staring back at me – unless its a tax bill. I just just could not do it. The animal really looked at me. I was not high or inebriated. I am sure I could see fear to a scale off the roof.
While I was trying to extract the bullet out of his ass and tail, the others came around.The animal took off – magic, I made the mistake to hang on to his back leg for about 30 meters down the hill. He was a powerful animal, weird – when you get a bullet in your tail and ass. Everyone was laughing, but I remember clearly that I wished they could just shoot both of us while I was going where he wanted to go like I was part of him.I had to choose between eating him, my honour and my feelings.
I don’t think you know how an animal looks like when you hang on to a back leg with both hands to stop him from getting away.The animal had balls. When get dragged down a mountain and you see balls – grab them or let go.
Later on,I killed 2 animals and being older – I have decided not to do it again. It socked me how easy I killed the first animal, not by bullet.
Now I just go fishing from time to time, but secretly – I avoid looking into their eyes. Imagine me catching and hanging on to fish. In the open water.